Change

Change. I hate that word. I hate the feelings that come with it. I don’t like not being in control. I’m a creature of habit, I like to have very clear expectations so that I can prepare for what’s next. You know what doesn’t allow you to do that? PARENTING

Parenting is probably one of the most spontaneous things I’ve ever done. You can’t plan for ANYTHING. I had all of these expectations and timelines when I was pregnant and then my daughter got here and I had to realize she has her own personality. And her little personality does not care about my timelines.

So my timelines and expectations had to go out the door-which made starting work a bit harder than I expected. I think I expected to be able to: wake up bright eyed and bushy tailed, get my daughter ready for daycare, pack her bags, fill my husband with love and encouragement before he leaves with the baby, get myself ready for work, go to work and kill it, and then come home with more energy to spend time with my family. Very realistic, right?

Obviously, this didn’t work out well. After two weeks of working, I was exhausted. Mentally and physically. I needed to change my game plan because trying to be the perfect mom, wife, and attorney wasn’t working. I needed to embrace this new season of change in my life. There were going to be so many days when I would not be able to control what happened and I needed to be ready for that.

So what did I do to help with this lesson? I cut off all my hair!!

I know. I know. That’s a BIG change. But I needed it. I needed to do something drastic.

I was so afraid before I cut it. I was worried that it wouldn’t look good. I was worried that no one would take me seriously as an attorney. So many thoughts were going through my mind. Luckily, my wonderful husband reminded me it’s just hair.

I can’t control how people perceive me. The only thing I can control is how I see myself, my work product, and my efforts. Everything else is flexible.

So, there will be days when nothing goes according to plan. Anaya will go to bed late and wake up tired. I will have traffic on my way home that will make me late. My husband will forget to cook dinner and we will have to order something. We will forget to pack extra clothes in her bag. Things will happen.

But, I will make a conscious effort to handle it better. Because parenting (or adulting in general) isn’t about having control over what happens in your life. It’s about living your life.