Back To Work: I Survived

I did it! I went back to work. I can’t tell you how worried I was the day before. I found myself sitting on the couch just watching my daughter. I stared at her and tried to memorize every detail of that cute little face. It was almost as if I thought I would go to work and come home to a teenager.

I spent the whole day with her and my husband. I hugged her a little longer. I gave her some extra kisses. I even let her stay up past her bedtime to play.

All of this just to soak in those uninterrupted moments before I had to return to the real world. When that time came though, I was ready. Her bag was packed. My bag was packed. She had enough milk and food for the next day. My husband was briefed on daycare pickup and drop off protocols and how to handle naps and snacks until I got home. We were all ready.

Surprisingly, when the time came to say goodbye, there were no tears. My big girl gave me a big smile and one of her little cheeks to kiss on my way out the door.

My first day went great. I made sure to pump consistently and came home with enough milk for the next day. #teamnostashneeded I walked in the door after work and the sweetest thing happened. My husband , Rod, was holding Anaya as I was changing out of my work clothes. She gave me a big smile and said “Mama.” Rod and I looked at each other for a moment before it clicked and then the excitement broke through. I ran over and grabbed her and spent the rest of the night getting her to say Mama over and over again. After four months of hearing Dada over and over again, it was nice to be included in the vocabulary.

I felt guilty having to go to work. I felt guilty leaving her at daycare. I felt guilty starting work this week, the week of her birthday. The mom guilt tried to creep in, but I stopped it in its tracks. She loves her daycare and all of her friends there. I’ve been working long and hard for the moment where I could say “I’m an attorney” and now I’m here. I’m proud of myself and I think she’s proud of me too.

As first days go, this was everything I could have asked for. My supply wasn’t impacted, Rod did an amazing job handling this shift in responsibilities, and my sweet little baby didn’t turn into a teenager in the nine hours I was gone. That, my friends, is a win.