What To Look For When Choosing a Midwife
I've always been the type of person who plans out her life. In my head I was going to be married by 24, kids by 26, and a house by 30. Some of this happened on schedule (we got married when I was 22), we had our daughter when I was 26, and the house is still loading. One aspect of my life that I had very firm beliefs in was my pregnancy experience.
I've known since I was a little girl that I did NOT want to give birth at a hospital. I've always hated hospitals. The only time I ever went to them was when something was wrong. Either someone was sick and we were going to visit or someone was sick and we were taking them there. Whenever someone had a baby, I never saw them until they got home. I remember as a child wondering why they had to go to the hospital if they were just going to come home anyway? Why not just have the baby at home?
When we found out we were pregnant, I knew that I wanted a midwife. What I didn't know is that it would actually be my husband who would find our midwife (stay tuned for this story). We had an amazing natural unmedicated birth at a birthing center with our midwife and her student. Now that we are 9 months in, I'm going to share some tips for what to look for when choosing your midwife.
Vibe
The midwife that you chose is going to be there to assist you throughout your pregnancy and several weeks after you give birth. You want this person's personality to be one that vibes well with your own. Think about who you are and how you handle stress. Think about the day you give birth and the energy that you want around you. Do you want someone with a calm spirit? Would you prefer someone who is energetic? Do you want someone who is affectionate?
Our midwife had a very calming presence-which I needed because I was stressed the entire pregnancy. She reassured me when I needed it and encouraged me when I needed it. In contrast, the doula who led our birthing class was VERY energetic. She had high energy from the time we walked through the door until the time we left...4 hours later. The high energy peppy attitude would not have worked for me as a midwife. ESPECIALLY not during birth. I needed someone who could soothe me, not a cheerleader. Be very realistic with yourself about how you operate. In those moments you need someone who can cater to you, not add more stress.
Patience
This was our first child. Most days I had no idea what to expect or what was happening to my body. I constantly had questions about if this was normal, what's not normal, how do I know when to freak out? This means that my midwife got phone calls and text messages left and right...and she answered every single one of them. She serviced clients Monday-Friday (unless there was a birth of course), but even while on the weekends with her family, she still answered to help us.
Even if it's not your first child, find someone who is going to cater to you and be patient with you. This means not rushing you out of your appointments, listening to all that you have to say, and not assuming your answers.
Respect
What we noticed very quickly while preparing for our daughter is that many times the other spouse/partner's voice isn't always respected. If we were in a baby store, the clerks would talk to me and ignore my husband. Sometimes ultrasound technicians would talk to me and ignore my husband, as if this isn't his child as well. I understand that it's my body and I'm the one going through the actual process of pushing out the child, but he's my support system. He's my person. He has concerns like I have concerns. He has questions like I have questions.
Our midwife was great at listening to us as individuals and then hearing us as a couple. We didn't leave an appointment until BOTH of our concerns and questions were addressed. During the birth she made sure we BOTH were comfortable. She understood that we came together to make this tiny human and it's together that we would raise her. Find someone who will advocate for BOTH of you and values both of your opinions.
